It’s time to Push Myself out the Nest

So it’s been, a glorious ten weeks? since I sat down to write a blog. No, this project isn’t abandoned, but as much in my personal life, it’s part of a routine I haven’t yet gotten to memory. In unnecessary defense, the title of this blog is Wisdom from a Young Pup, and training new pups takes a lot of time and a lot of discipline and repetition to get new tricks down to an art.

Yes, 2015’s NaNoWriMo was a fail for me, but I am not discouraged, the story that came from that has taken seed and has grown into a beautiful little sapling that I am extremely excited to raise into a proper flourishing tree. However, my one hang up is a previous story. I am done with its first draft and it just needs to be completely typed up before I can officially let it go for a new project.

I needed these few weeks to reflect on my life, what I want to approach me in this new year,  who do I want to be when January of ’17 comes along. But I am an introvert with an authority problem, which means I need to be pushed and prodded to get productive things done, but I also despise being pushed and prodded to get anything done. This is all completely internalized because most of the pushing and prodding comes to me in wonderfully supportive and interesting ways but my personal guilt twists it into something nasty. (^^Notice the “unnecessary defense” comment above) So I have to work on that and see why it is I react this way.

While I reflected and made my choices of what to let go of in 2016, I focused on family, (my mother, father, and our dogs). I worked my tail off as a hostess in a nice restaurant over the holidays that really did fill my Introvert’s Level of Interaction with People quota for two months.

I know this year will be a good year, a productive year. The last two were so hellish to say the least. I survived a personal attempt at my life; I witnessed my grandmother’s dying process up close and personal, gained new friends and lost a few too. I was more than ready to put those two years at rest and start afresh by the time November came along I couldn’t create anything.

Here are my Goals for 2016:

Write 100 times more this year. I don’t need to keep good lines and interesting thoughts in my head. I have a tendency to think that if it’s not about a current project, it is useless. That thinking just stunts my growth as a writer.

Explore more: Santa Barbara while small compared to other cities I have called home is still bright and teeming with life and activities. My life isn’t just meant to be on my computer, I crave and need intellectual stimuli from wonderfully creative and interesting people to talk to and to also help me expand my personal thinking and my writing.  I may not see myself settling here forever doesn’t mean I need to live isolated and away from what makes me happy.

Find a job that I adore that pertains to what I want to do as a career: I need to either work with reading, books, publishing ideas, but also I miss the thrill of live theater, the craze of a film set, I need to find my job in something in these fields. I would lose my head so fast in a retail job or an office job, and while hostessing is great fun and I make enough money, I want something that fills my soul, not just my wallet.

And finally I need to

Trust myself more: The last few years have been like going through a dark and dangerous forest. I had to watch my back, my thinking, watch for obstacles in my path, and then figure out a way around said obstacles, many of which were downright mountains! Only now I have found myself out of the forest and in a clearing, I am still blinking in the sun, still revealing how easy it is now to breathe. But habits and actions I gained in that forest to help me survive are so ingrained in me, I am still not ready to trust this new clearer path for me. It will take many a mile before I know I can put down my weapons, stop looking over my back and walk with peace and to enjoy the view. My journey is just a Journey, I may not have a goal to get to, but that is better, I can meander on this path of life, I can explore offshoots and smell flowers. I am not in a race with anyone, and that is wonderfully freeing!

So Happy New Year to everyone! Let’s see where it takes us this time!

 

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No More Excuses!

The writer titles the blog post that might–will– be filled with excuses as to why she hasn’t written anything in almost three weeks.

As a young woman who grew up in a vastly changing world with rapid advancements in technology, I know just how easy it is to get lost in that world. The hours lost just scrolling through the likes of Facebook,Twitter, Pinterest looking at and liking the same things, but if I refresh just one more time there might be an article that will change my life. The days on youtube watching everything from lectures out of TED talks to giggling at the cat and dolphin that formed an unlikely friendship. The weeks that flew right on by after I discovered Tumblr and its vastness of tastes, opinions, fandoms, knowledge and stupidity. As a young woman this is my world, things take value and priority that baffle my parents and some of my older friends.

I wish I could say it was just the internet that was my major distraction, but alas I am a reader. My room is filled with books that I have bought even when I have a mile long To-Read List already. And don’t get me started on the TV shows and movies I have been very interested to see. Being bored isn’t a problem for me and much of my generation, it’s just the plethora of options is so vast we become paralyzed with the choice of it all. As a writer this is toxic, dangerous and it takes a sh*t-ton of deep discipline to see all that glittering distraction and force yourself to be alone with your imagination and face that blank page.

Being a writer and friend of fellow writers, I have heard all the excuses, I have given the excuses also time and time again. The ironic aspect is what we love most in the world is looking at quotes and inspiration from those authors and writers who came before us. We have read in so many ways, in so many languages the only thing we must to do to conquer this is simply to pluck up the courage, turn off the internet, lock yourself away and just write.

And so Here we are. Here I am. Writing. It’s not easy. Writing is never easy, and those who think it is…well they aren’t writers. Because once you have put away the distractions, plucked up your courage, and are facing your blank page with concentration and discipline, the next step is “Well now I am writing. What am I writing? Writing what?” Because if you are like me and you only write when an idea hits and is fully formed and you can play in that world, you lose all the other ideas, all those little glitters of gold you brushed aside from the main prize, the giant golden nugget. But there comes a time when polishing that nugget you realize it’s just gold leafed and you have wasted time and effort on nothing of real substance. Or more like me, so many of your nuggets have been so vast and large just the thought of tackling them is daunting to yourself so you start looking for a way out. I have at least three epic novels in the works, and focusing on just one feels like you have abandoned the others. With this blog I plan to pan for smaller gold pieces while exploring and polishing those giant Novel nuggets over time.

I have said to friends who ask “How’s the blog?” Well! Very well! I have a plan to use it as my NaNoWriMo project actually. Take it little by little, and write a little every day, and what is it they say about doing something for thirty days, you make a habit out of it. Yes it’s perfect, yes I have a plan. A goal. I have control.

I know the truth, I know next month day after day will slip by and the word count for NaNo will rise and by week two I will shrug it off and contribute it to another year lost, what a shame. While almost every fiber of my being is used to this routine, its comfortable, predictable, it’s safe and normal, for me.

You know what? NO. Screw you, old self. I haven’t spent the last year stripping myself down and building myself back up again to be predictable. Screw safe, Screw comfortable, and FUCK Normal. This is how I wish to proceed in the world, and it’s about damn time I apply it to my life and to my writing.

So Yes! I will be writing for NaNoWriMo, (National Novel Writing Month), It will be a new fictional story, and it will be fun. Yes, I will be also writing here a little bit every day, because YES damn it, I deserve to gain the habit of writing daily, and to treasure and fight for my writing time.

Holding myself accountable, to earn the title I want so badly. I am a writer. I write. Nothing more, nothing less.

It Begins Here! See you on Sunday!

Welcome to My New Journey!

For many years, I have called myself a writer but my writing has been limited,  sticking to my own novels and escape writing. I scorned journal writing or Diary keeping. I realize how limiting this is, how much this is crippling me as both as a writer and an artist. So I have decided to create this new blog to start writing about….everything!
Now for introductions, Hi I am Renee! I am 26 years old-TODAY in fact! I have been many things in my life, I have taken on many a label and I have either tried to fit in to that Label or forced myself to be defined by that Label, but recently I have come to the realization that I am so much more then any title, any label whether its given or self imposed. I am so much more then Victim, Geek/Nerd. Bookworm, Small, Drop-out.  I am a passionate intelligent reader, I love learning I adore facts, I adore stories, I have survived time and time again, so it is time for me to explore all the ways I have survived.
The Title of the Blog came from a fellow an older friend who was listening to advice I was sprouting and I said “I know I am young.” and her response was “You are a young pup! But you have so much wisdom in you!”
So in this time of extreme growth, of exploration I have decided to take on anyone who wishes to join me on this. This blog will be part journal both writing and personal, part infodump, part review, part what ever I need in the moment of writing.
May you glean something from this, may I learn something about myself and challenge myself, and may we all have a little fun!