It’s time to Push Myself out the Nest

So it’s been, a glorious ten weeks? since I sat down to write a blog. No, this project isn’t abandoned, but as much in my personal life, it’s part of a routine I haven’t yet gotten to memory. In unnecessary defense, the title of this blog is Wisdom from a Young Pup, and training new pups takes a lot of time and a lot of discipline and repetition to get new tricks down to an art.

Yes, 2015’s NaNoWriMo was a fail for me, but I am not discouraged, the story that came from that has taken seed and has grown into a beautiful little sapling that I am extremely excited to raise into a proper flourishing tree. However, my one hang up is a previous story. I am done with its first draft and it just needs to be completely typed up before I can officially let it go for a new project.

I needed these few weeks to reflect on my life, what I want to approach me in this new year,  who do I want to be when January of ’17 comes along. But I am an introvert with an authority problem, which means I need to be pushed and prodded to get productive things done, but I also despise being pushed and prodded to get anything done. This is all completely internalized because most of the pushing and prodding comes to me in wonderfully supportive and interesting ways but my personal guilt twists it into something nasty. (^^Notice the “unnecessary defense” comment above) So I have to work on that and see why it is I react this way.

While I reflected and made my choices of what to let go of in 2016, I focused on family, (my mother, father, and our dogs). I worked my tail off as a hostess in a nice restaurant over the holidays that really did fill my Introvert’s Level of Interaction with People quota for two months.

I know this year will be a good year, a productive year. The last two were so hellish to say the least. I survived a personal attempt at my life; I witnessed my grandmother’s dying process up close and personal, gained new friends and lost a few too. I was more than ready to put those two years at rest and start afresh by the time November came along I couldn’t create anything.

Here are my Goals for 2016:

Write 100 times more this year. I don’t need to keep good lines and interesting thoughts in my head. I have a tendency to think that if it’s not about a current project, it is useless. That thinking just stunts my growth as a writer.

Explore more: Santa Barbara while small compared to other cities I have called home is still bright and teeming with life and activities. My life isn’t just meant to be on my computer, I crave and need intellectual stimuli from wonderfully creative and interesting people to talk to and to also help me expand my personal thinking and my writing.  I may not see myself settling here forever doesn’t mean I need to live isolated and away from what makes me happy.

Find a job that I adore that pertains to what I want to do as a career: I need to either work with reading, books, publishing ideas, but also I miss the thrill of live theater, the craze of a film set, I need to find my job in something in these fields. I would lose my head so fast in a retail job or an office job, and while hostessing is great fun and I make enough money, I want something that fills my soul, not just my wallet.

And finally I need to

Trust myself more: The last few years have been like going through a dark and dangerous forest. I had to watch my back, my thinking, watch for obstacles in my path, and then figure out a way around said obstacles, many of which were downright mountains! Only now I have found myself out of the forest and in a clearing, I am still blinking in the sun, still revealing how easy it is now to breathe. But habits and actions I gained in that forest to help me survive are so ingrained in me, I am still not ready to trust this new clearer path for me. It will take many a mile before I know I can put down my weapons, stop looking over my back and walk with peace and to enjoy the view. My journey is just a Journey, I may not have a goal to get to, but that is better, I can meander on this path of life, I can explore offshoots and smell flowers. I am not in a race with anyone, and that is wonderfully freeing!

So Happy New Year to everyone! Let’s see where it takes us this time!

 

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